 Q: Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet? A: She thought it was diet coke.
Q: Why do bleached blondes like lightning? A: They think someone is taking their picture.
Q: Why did the blonde secretary cut off her finger? A: She wanted to write shorthand.
Q: Why did the blond take 16 friends to the movies? A: Under 17 not admitted!
Back in the old Wild West, there were two blonde cowpokes, Jeff and Dave. One day, the two were enjoying a strong drink in the local saloon, when a man walked into the bar with an Indian's head under his arm. The barman shakes his hand and says, "I hate Indians, last week they burnt my barn to the ground, assaulted my wife and killed my children." He then says, "If any man brings me the head of an Indian, I'll give him one thousand dollars." The two blondes looked at each other and walked out of the bar to go hunting for an Indian. They were walking around for a while when suddenly they saw one; Jeff threw a rock which hit the Indian right on the head. The Indian fell off his horse, but landed seventy feet down a ravine. The two blondes made their way down the ravine where Dave pulled out a knife to claim their trophy. Suddenly, Jeff said, "Dave, take a look at this." Dave replied, "Not now, I'm busy." Jeff tugged him on the shoulder and says, "I really think you should look at this." Dave said, "Look, you can see I'm busy. There's a thousand dollars in my hand." But Jeff was adamant. "Please, Dave, take a look at this." So Dave looked up and saw that standing at the top of the ravine were five thousand red Indians. Dave just shook his head and said, "Oh my God, we're going to be millionaires!"
Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead? A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!
Q: Why do blunds drive BMWs? A: Because they can spell it.
Q: Why do blondes have more fun? Because they are easier to find in the dark.
A brunette, a red-head and a blonde were in jail when they decided to break out. The girls broke out and the brunette said, "Let's hide in that barn, they'll never find us." So they climed up the ladder and then the blonde threw it down. The next morning, the cops said, "Come out with your hands in the air!" The red-head said, "Hide in those baskets, they'll never find us!" So the Brunette got in the first one, the red-head got in the second one and the blonde got in the third one. Meanwhile, the cops were getting a ladder set up and trying to get up there. Once they got up, the seargent ordered them to kick the baskets. So the cop kicked the first one: "RUFF." "It's just a damn dog!" yelled the cop. The cop kicked the next one: "MEOW." "It's just a damn cat," yelled the cop. The cop kicked the next basket and the blonde yelled, "POTATOES!"
Q: How do you guess a blonde tried to send an e-mail? A: You see lots of envelopes in the floppy disk. Q: What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine? A: She peed on her corn flakes.
Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up? A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads. Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency? A: She turned it over and used the other side.
Q: What did the blonde get on her IQ test? A: Saliva. A blonde was in front of a soda machine outside of a store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out of the machine!
A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she wasn't sure it was such a good idea. The Doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?" She said that she did. He asked, "Does it hurt you?" She said no. The Doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant." The woman was mystified. She asked, "You can get pregnant from anal sex?" The Doctor replied, "Of course. Where do you think lawyers come from?" Gravity- It’s not just a good idea, it’s the LAW! Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible? Life is too complicated in the morning. All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done. The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography Nobody’s perfect. I’m a Nobody. My wife said “If you go hunting or fishing one more time I’m going to leave you” …I’m sure going to miss her. Ask me about my vow of silence. Q: What’s a blonde’s favorite wine? A: “Daddy! can I go to Miami! Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency? A: She turned it over and used the other side. Q: How do you change a blonde’s mind? A: Blow in her ear. Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer? A: There are some things even a blonde won’t do. Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? A: She moved. Q: Why do blondes look up and smile at lightning? A: They think someone is taking their picture. Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a trampoline? A: You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline! Q: Why do blondes have square breasts? A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box! Q: What do UFO’s and smart blondes have in common? A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any. Q: Why can’t blondes count to 70? A: Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful. Q: What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs? A: Some traffic signs say stop. Q: What did the blonde customer say to the waitress when reading her nametag? A: “Mary… that’s cute. What did you name the other one?” Q: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering? A: The noise gave her a headache. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747? A: Not everyone has been in a 747. Q: What do blondes say after sex? A: “Thanks, guys!” What do you call a blond with half a brain? ...Gifted |
