 Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer? A: I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do. Q: What does the postcard from a blonde's vacation say? A: Having a wonderful time. Where am I?
Q: Why did the blonde keep putting quarters in the soda vending machine? A: Because she thought she was winning.
Q: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 and a half days? A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125. Q: Why did the strawberry blonde climb up to the roof of the bar? A: She heard that the drinks were on the house. Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids? A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
Q: Why do bleached blondes take the pill? A: So they know what day of the week it is.
Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? A: Because that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables. Q: Why do blondes wear earmuffs? A: To avoid the draft. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? A: To keep from bruising their ears.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week? A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday. Why did the dum blond keep failing her driver's test? A. Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW? A. Divorcee' Why can't a blonde get a drivers license? A. Because every time the instructor says "Let's park" she jumps in the back seat.
What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes? A. Frosted Flakes.
A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?" "Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?" "Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces." "Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is." "It's a big rooster," she said. The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? A. She moved. Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee break? A: It's too hard to retrain them.
Two blonde babes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........ and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Hellooooooooo, can you see Florida...?????"
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replies in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
If blondes and bimbos were the same thing, the prefix 'bim' could be used to create new words that describe them:
Bimbobabble - noises coming from a group of blondes Bimbaffled - constant mental state of blondesBimbar - a bar where blondes hang out wearing bimbait Bimbobag - a blonde's purse Bimblaze - the result of a blonde trying to cook Bimblues - a blonde's state of mind after her latest boyfriend ditched her
She is so blonde, she thinks that Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company. Q: What are the best 10 years of a blonde's life? A: second grade. She is so blonde, when she missed the 88 bus, she took the 44 bus twice. She is so blonde, she thinks a thesaurus is a dinosaur.
Two blondes are walking down the road when one says "Look at that dog with one eye!" The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says "Where?"
She is so blonde, she studied for a blood test. She is so blonde that it takes her two hours to watch "60 Minutes." Q: What happened when the blonde saw the "NC-17: Under 17 Not Admitted" sign at the movie theater? A: She called 16 friends to come meet her.
Q: What did the blonde fill in for Salary Expected out the job application? A: Yes. Q: Why is it so hard to replace Vanna White? A: They can't find another blonde who knows the whole alphabet.
Once there was a blonde who wanted to prove to people that she wasn't just a dumb blonde. So she asked her friend "how could I show people I'm not just a dumb blonde?" Her friend says, "First learn all the provinces and their capitals." So that week the blonde learned them. The next week she was at a party and a man asked a question. The blonde says, "I know the anwser!" Then the man said " What would you know? You're just a dumb blonde?" Then the blonde says, "I'll have you know I'm not just a dumb blonde, I know all the provinces and their capitals." Then the man said, " Okay, Texas." The blonde started to grin. "What are you grinning about?" said the man. The blonde said, "Easy. T."
Q: What's six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy? A: A hundred dollar bill.
How does a blonde kill a tropical fish? A. She drowns it. Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common? A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any. Q: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer? A: There's writing on the white-out. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Very Gifted!
How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle? Shine a flashlight into her ear. Q: Why can't you tell blondes funny knock-knock jokes? A: Because they leave to go answer the door.
Two blondes drive through the middle of Texas, surrounded entirely by wheat fields. One blonde says, "Look over there!" They see another blonde in scuba gear acting like she's swimming through the wheat. The blonde driving says, "It's girls like that who give us blondes a bad name." The other blonde says, "Yeah! And if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and tell her off."
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all enter a swim meet. The gun goes off, and the brunette quickly captures first, with the redhead coming in second. An hour later, the blonde emerges from the pool and complains to the judges that while she was doing the breast stroke, the others were using their arms.
One day two girls were trying out for the school cheerleading squad. One was a blonde and one was a brunette. After they both had tryouts, they went home to wait until the results were posted. The blonde goes to see if she made it that night. Once she found out she made it she got out her cell phone and called the brunette, but she didn't answer, so the blonde just went back home. The next day the brunette called the blonde to see if she wanted to go with her to look at their scores. The blonde says sure and meets the brunette at the school. The brunette beats the blonde to the school, so she goes ahead and looks at the scores to find out they both made it. When the blonde gets there, she finds her name on the list again. Then she says, ''Yes!! I made it again, I made it last night and I made it again today. I am on a roll!''
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