 She Was Soooooooooo Blonde... - She sent a fax with a stamp on it. - She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. - When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead. - When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, “Airport Left,” she turned around and went home.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote? A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
How come you don’t find a stupid brunette? Because they have all dyed themselves blonde.
Why did the ditsy blonde try to steal a police car? On the back she saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche.
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: Why did the golden-brownish blond take two hits of acid? A: She wanted to go on a round trip.
Q: How do you drown a blond? A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
Bob says what do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground? An air mattress.
What would you do if a Blonde babe threw a hand grenade right at you? You'd pull the pin and toss it back.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS? A: Lipstick.
Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common? A: Sooner or later they'll both end up in the gutter.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? A: She didn't want to waken the sleeping pills.
Q: How many silly blondes does it take to play tag? A: One.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance? A: 144 blondes.
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. So she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons so he knocked on her door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath." The milkman asked, "Do you want it Pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs, I can splash it in my eyes."
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings? A: Tell them a joke on thursday night.
Q. What do you call a blond with a brain? A. A golden retriever.
Q. What do you call a blonde in the closet? A. The 1984 hide and go seek champion.
Q. How can Bob tell that a blonde sent a fax? A. It has a stamp on it.
What did the blonde's left leg say to her right leg? Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.
Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? A. Because that's where your supposed to wash vegetables.
She was Soooooo Blonde.. - She thought a quarterback was a refund. - She thought a ipad was a tv. - She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center. - At the bottom of an application where it says, “Sign here:” she wrote “Sagittarius.” - Under “education” on her job application, she put “Hooked On Phonics” - She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said “Concentrate.” - She told me to meet her at the corner of “WALK” and “DON’T WALK.” - She tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order. - She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept. - She tripped over a cordless phone. - When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. - She thought if she spoke her mind, she’d be speechless. - She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening. - She had a shirt that said “TGIF,” which she thought stood for “This Goes In Front.”
The popular blonde cheerleader bounced into the local card shop, looked around, then approached the clerk. "Do you have any, like, real special birthday cards?" she asked. "Yes, we do," he replied. "As a matter of fact, here's a new one. It's inscribed, "To the Boy Who Got My Cherry." "Wow, neat!" she squealed. "I'll take the whole box." Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A: Wave to her.
Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs? A: Keep breakin them with hammers.
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blondes head? A: A Space Invader.
Q: WHAT DID THE BLONDE SAY ABOUT BLONDE JOKES? A: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Polish.
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde woman passenger? A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: Why couldn't the blonde continue on the computer? A: She couldn't find the any key.
Q: Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and seven on a calculator? A: She couldn't find the 10 key.
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then, the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Darnit, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence? A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: What do you call three blondes in a Volkswagen? A: FARFROMTHINKEN
Q: Why did the strawberry blonde ask her friends to save their burned-out light bulbs? A: She needed them for the darkroom she was building.
Q: Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall? A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: How do you plant dope? A: Bury a blonde.
Q: How do you drown a blonde? Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish? A: She drowns it.
There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, fifteen miles, and finally nineteen miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back. The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "what is 1 and 1?" "Eleven," she replied. The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but she's right." "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?" "Today and tomorrow." He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?" The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know." "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?" So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor, where her pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. The blonde was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!" turbulenceonline.com apple.woobi.co.kr internationallawyersdirectory.com cuca.ru A brunette, a redhead and a blonde walk into a bar. For the sake of brevity, each one orders her drink with an abbreviated code word. The brunette walks up to the bartender and says, "Hey give me an ML." The bartender nods his head and hands her a Miller Lite. Following her, the redhead walks up to the bartender and says, "I'd like a BL." Giving her a nod, the bartender pulls up a Bud Lite. Last, the blonde walks up to the bartender and says, "Give me a Fifteen." "A Fifteen?" the bartender replies, "What the hell is that?" "Oh, you know," the blonde says, "A Seven and Seven." Q: When is it okay to shoot a blond in the head? A: When you have a tire pump nearby to re inflate it. Q: Why can't blonds water ski ? A: When ever they get wet they lay down and spread there legs. Q: Why is a blonde's coffin y-shaped? A: B/c she is so used to having her legs spread. Q: What is the definition of eternity? A: Four blondes at a four way stop. hostdd.ath.cx parmatel.ru www.miraclewelder.com mup-rijeka.org deti-gor.com entp.org bunchcuntfridays.com www.cogito.com.pl Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable.'" The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?" The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde." "She'll read it very slow." golazo11.com boards.mpora.com bluechip.org.uk travelbug.sg mc-msu.ru < turbulenceonline.com internationallawyersdirectory.com Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses." "We don't have any," replied the first blonde. "Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the Game Warden. "But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river." The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the Game Warden left. As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?" A blonde, brunette and a redhead walks into a bar and the bartender says if you go into the bathroom there's a magic mirror in there if you tell it, something true it will give you a prize but if you tell it a lie you will be sucked inside forever so the Brunette walks in and says I think I'm the smartest girl in this bar then out pops the keys to her new mercedes benz then the redhead pops in and says I think I'm the prettiest girl in this bar and out pops a million dollars in cash out she runs too spend it as fast as she could then in comes the blonde she says I Think... then in a split second she is pulled into the mirror and never seen again. www.sovetvologda.ru www.bangkokflyfishing.com latemodelhemi.com www.r4forum.nl mundospace.webcindario.com thaiftsc.com cs-update.ru gerbpomorie.com blueboob.lag.ro diljenroni.com www.sbkrider.com ro-athena.com www.aperturescienceroleplay.com carlomitchell.net www.mugona.com Josh was helping Sally, a blonde, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit". Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside. Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for. She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit." Josh said, "I can see that, but why?" Sally replied, "In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires." dontvisitus.com www.oldforum.slosrv.co.cc?action=profile;u=3063 www.deusxmakina.com www.smf.net.tr jazz.com.ua www.mixailov.org Q: How does a blonde die? A: She puts her clothes into a pile and jumps off. Three blonde friends died together in a car wreck. They found themselves standing in front of the pearly gates with St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter heaven, they had to tell him what Easter was about. The first blonde said, "Easter is a big holiday where we give thanks, have a big feast and eat turkey." "Nooooo," said St. Peter. "You don't get in." The second blonde said, "Easter is the holiday that we celebrate Jesus' being born of the virgin and give gifts to each other." "Nooooo," said St. Peter. "You don't get in, either." The third blonde said, "Well, I know what Easter is all about. Easter is a Christian holiday which coincides with the Jewish Passover. After Jesus celebrated Passover with His disciples, He was betrayed by Judas and turned over to the Romans. They crucified Him on a cross. After He died, they buried him in a tomb and put a huge boulder in front of it." "Very good!" said St. Peter. The blonde continued. "Now, every year, the Jews roll the stone away and Jesus comes out. If He sees his shadow, we have 6 more weeks of basketball." St. Peter fainted! internetmarketingboard.net master-it-all.com www.bbqaion.com www.adeganha.com pandatraining.spfleetforums.net www.oldforum.slosrv.co.cc?action=profile;u=3063 Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? A: Her ankles. Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in? A: "Have another beer." www.sangwarn.com neworld.net84.net xn--12c2cetkh5gef.com www.nosugarpill.com A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds." When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" said the doctor. "No, from skipping," replied the blonde. zomedy.dk www.solon97mini.eshost.com.ar eduruss.ru www.theozforums.com A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off. support.smartmouth.me webboard.satintrend.com www.blacktemplars.eu nicolajsen.no slavepens.footfinderssoleshow.com nrm-online.com oregon.lawblogger.org blackwulves.bounceme.net forum.mu-kaimas.lt progamereviews.com italybord.com www.vkusnota.info besthackers.info www.getbackbux.com www.mcgalaxy.com www.rope-lighting.org A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals of the United States. She proudly announced, "go ahead, ask me any of the capitals, I know all of them." A red head said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wyoming?" The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy, 'W'." www.iiuuart.com golazo11.com boards.mpora.com travelbug.sg
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