 How did the blonde burn her nose? A. Bobbing for chips.
What do you call a pimple on a blondes ass? A. Brain tumor.
Why did the deaf blonde sit on the newspaper? A. So she could lip read.
Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A. You get to park in the handicap zone.
What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A. Pregnant.
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? A. Pull the pin and throw it back.
What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette? A. Artificial intelligence.
What do you call a blonde standing on her head? A. A brunette with bad breath.
What happened to the blonde tap dancer? A. She slipped off and fell down the drain.
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A. When you smack the mosquito it stops sucking!!
What does a blonde say when you ask her what the last two words of the national anthem are? A. Play ball!
What do smart blondes and UFO's have in common? A. You always hear about them but never see them.
What's the difference between a blonde and the Titanic? A. They know how many went down on the Titanic.
How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer? A. The joystick is wet.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer? A: There's white-out on the screen. Why do blondes wear underwear? A. To keep their ankles warm.
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and now today you expect me to show it to you."
She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing?" The blonde turns around and says, "Yeah right! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm still winning!"
As the blonde was driving home, she was swerving left, the right, then left then right. A cop sees her, pulls her over, and asks "What's the problem?" The blonde answers "There was this tree, then another one, then another one, they just wouldn't stop coming!" The cop says "Lady, that's your air freshener."
What do you call an eternity? Four blondes at a four way stop.
How do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
What does a blonde say after four years of college? "Welcome to fast food express. May I take your order please?"
How many blondes does it take to wash a car? Two. One to hold the sponge, and one to drive the car back and fourth.
Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? It took her a month to realize she could play it the evening.
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the clerk at the counter if he has any "bottom deodorant". The clerk, with a puzzled look on his face, says "I'm sorry lady but we don't sell any here." The blonde says "But I bought some here just last week." The clerk suggests "If you still have the package, bring it here. I'll see if we have any." The blonde returns later that day with the package. The clerk looks it over and says "This is just regular deodorant." The blonde says "Look here! the package says 'to use: push up bottom'!"
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote? A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds? A: She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungee cord.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror with her eyes closed? A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde whose boyfriend said he loved her? A: She believed him.
How do you confuse a blonde? A. Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.
Q: Did you hear about the new epidemic among blondes? A: It's called MAIDS - if they don't get one, they die.
Q: Did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes? A: They take off their makeup.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook? A She gets the pop tart out of the toaster in one piece.
Q: How do blondes pierce their ears? A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads. Q: How do you change a blonde's mind? A: Blow in her ear. Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots? A: Flattered.
Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you? A: Tell her she's pregnant.
Q: What will she ask you? A: "Is it mine?"
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A: Wave to her. Q: How do you keep a blonde busy all day? A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
Q: How do you kill a blonde? A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
Q: How do you know if a blonde writes mysteries? A: She has a check book.
Q: How does Bob know when his blonde wife has been making chocolate chip cookies? A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle? A You shine a flashlight in her ear.
Q: How does a blonde high-5? A: She smacks herself in the forehead. Q: How does the blonde car pool work? A: They all meet at work at 7:45.
One evening, after attending the theater, two gentlemen were walking down the avenue when they observed a rather well dressed and attractive lady walking ahead of them. One of them turned to the other and remarked, "I'd give $250.00 to spend the night with that woman." Much to their surprise, the young lady overheard the remark, turned around, and replied, "I'll take you up on that offer." She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so after bidding his companion good night, the man accompanied the lady to her apartment. The following morning the man presented her with $125.00 as he prepared to leave. She then demanded the rest of the money, stating "If you don't give me the other $125.00, I'll sue you for it." He laughed, saying, "I'd like to see you get it on these grounds." Within 5 days, he was surprised when he received a summons ordering his presence in court as a defendant in a lawsuit. He hurried to his lawyer and explained the details of the case. His lawyer said, "She can't possibly get a judgment against you on such grounds, but it will be interesting to see how her case will be presented." After the usual preliminaries, the lady's lawyer addressed the court as follows: "Your honor, my client, this lady, is the owner of a piece of property, a garden spot, surrounded by a profuse growth of shrubbery, which property she agreed to rent to the defendant for a specified length of time for the sum of $250.00. The defendant took possession of the property, used it extensively for the purposes for which it was rented, but upon evacuating the premises, he paid only $125.00, one-half of the amount agreed upon. The rent was not excessive, since it is restricted property, and we ask judgment be granted against the defendant to assure payment of the balance." The defendant's lawyer was impressed and amused by the way his opponent had presented the case. His defense therefore was somewhat different from the way he originally planned to present it. "Your honor," he said, "my client agrees that the lady has a fine piece of property, which he did rent such property for a time, and a degree of pleasure was derived from the transaction. However, my client found a well on the property around which he placed his own stones, sunk a shaft, and erected a pump, all labor performed personally by him. We claim these improvements to the property were sufficient to offset the unpaid amount, and that the plaintiff was adequately compensated for the rental of said property. We, therefore, ask that judgment not be granted." The young lady's lawyer answered, "Your honor, my client agrees that the defendant did find a well on her property. However, had the defendant not known that the well existed; he would never have rented the property. Also, upon evacuating the premises, the fat defendant removed the stones, pulled out the shaft, and took the pump with him. In doing so, he not only dragged the equipment through the shrubbery, but left the hole much larger than it was prior to his occupancy, making the property much less desirable to others. We, therefore, ask that judgment be granted." In the Judge's decision, he provided for two options: "Pay the $125.00 or have the equipment detached from its current location and provide it to the plaintiff for damages." The defendant then wrote a check. No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do: 1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that. 2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that. 3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too. 4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too. 5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. - Yup, Windows does that, too. Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. So Windows is not a virus. It's a bug. Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit? A: Two: one to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!
Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek? A: One.
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